BeeBee's 365 Challenge

for the little things that make me happy

Day 267: Breaking a Habit

I’ve found myself drawn to looking at self-improvement programmes recently.

I have lost what little control I did have over my eating. The ah just this little bit won’t hurt has return, it is just a shame that the little bit has been the 4th bar in a Kit Kat Crunchy multi pack or the 3rd in a 3 for ¬£1.20 offer.

This is when I know that my binge eating is getting to the point where control will not be an option. Food addiction is a rough addiction to have. With drugs and drink at least abstinence in an alternative.

You cannot abstain from food. Not without some long term health complications. This is why the liquid diet companies will always have  a market. When you have a destructive relationship with something like drink and drugs abstinence is the best way to exert control over that part of your life. So similarly abstaining from food becomes a worthy choice.

However, you cannot live by milkshakes and soups alone. At some point you need to return to solids and chewing.

For me the shakes and soups route is not a viable one. I like food too much. I enjoy preparing it, smelling it, tasting it. I get an almost child at Christmas excitement from just unwrapping a chocolate bar. I turn into a real giddy kipper. Sad, but true.

I also know that for me the group weight loss thing hasn’t worked. It isn’t about what types of food that I eat, the way in which I eat them. It’s the emotions that go with each meal. The speed that I eat is a big problem. I don’t take time out to eat slowly, I tend to chomp at break neck speed.

So I am starting a 21-day plan. It is reported that it takes 3 weeks to break or make a habit. I’m using to plot my efforts. My goal is to gain control of my eating. I’m not dieting ever again, but want control.

I have a meal out this week, but as I say it about control, not about being ‘good’. It’s about the mindless eating, grazing, binging. The parts that undermine the brain. In a similar way to the alcoholic reaching absent mindedly for the next bottle of vodka or the drug addict rolling another spliff or cutting up another line or the want of nothing better to do.

I need better for myself. It is not about looks, I will never be a tight-bodied beauty – I have done too much damage to my body already. It’s about my inner self, that voice in my head that needs to take a day off.

So Paul McKenna I will be relying on you heavily this week. I can see a tricky time ahead, but by October 13th I should have cracked this thing.

Today’s Activity: Pub lunch with my extended family to celebrate my birthday.

BeeBee x

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Day 16: Common sense

I was trundling though the pages of Twitter early this morning and I happened across this story:

In a nutshell, the lovely people of Which? Have been looking at Nutritionists across the country and have discovered that many aren’t traditionally trained.

The ones in this report are in fact part of the ‘alternative’ holistic varieties, using practises including kinesiology (a practise of testing muscle strength when a vile of the possible allergen is place nearby).

Many years ago my Mother sent me to such a person. I discovered possible allergens such as cows milk, wild rice, mushrooms, soya, wheat and lots over other random things. I stuck to this ‘diet’ for 2 years. I didn’t lose any weight but my hayfever and asthma improved. I also have discovered that when I’m run down uncooked milk makes me cough, ‘posh’ mushrooms give me severe stomach ache and processed white bread (which often contains soya flour) also has the ability to make me feel vile.

I don’t know how much of what the therapist did was for real or just guess work. I know I got bored. Food was very beige or slimy.

I also remember my Mum once visiting a different one and coming home with a book of the Atkins plan.

I’d rather my food was technicolour. I prefer my food to be as natural as possible and be able to eat it in plentiful amounts, I’m not a great processed food person apart from when chicken nuggets and potato waffles shout really loudly. Although I do have a takeaway once a week. Deprivation isn’t anyone’s friend. A little bit of everything is balance.

If you do think you have an intolerance or food allergy contact your GP who can then direct you to a fully qualified nutritionist for further help.

Today’s activity: finishing cleaning my kitchen, my giant bacon cheeseburger and watching the final episode of Sherlock.

BeeBee x

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