BeeBee's 365 Challenge

for the little things that make me happy

Day 279: Things I Wish My Mother Told Me

Parenthood is about sacrifices.

Your ambition never leaves, you just have to reprioritise.

This is the bit about motherhood that I really don’t like. I don’t want to make decisions based on what coins I have in my purse and the lack of family that I have around me.

There are days that I dream of being back in the office on a full-time wage.

Today I saw an opportunity arise, one I probably won’t see again in a long time. One I would love to try out. That’s when the sensible voice kicks in. It is only a short term contract, you would have to pay for childcare on top of the other expenses it would entail.

It isn’t like what it was for Mum back in the day. She had my grandparents who offered her support. I would go before and after school, during the school holidays too.

Yes, my children do have 2 sets of grandparents, but they’re not exactly well placed. One set is in Wales the other in the next county and unable to travel much of the time. The joys of being in the countryside without a car or direct bus and train routes.

You can only ask friends to do so much. So instead of following a hunch, and applying knowing that I would have to turn it down if offered. I have to make a decision to not do something and leave myself with a collection of what ifs.

Instead I will write on here and wherever else will have me, albeit unpaid. One day I will happen upon a ‘novel’ idea and work from there.

21-day Challenge: It is starting to get a bit easier again. Routine, that’s what I’m craving I think. Routine and lots of coffee!

Today’s Activity: Catching up with my stories and a takeaway.
BeeBee x


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Day 275: Meal Planning Monday

I’ve not done one of these in a long time, and I’ve not even planned at home… It’s not been good.
I’ve not planned a lot to be honest. It hasn’t helped with my extra-curricular problems.

So this week I am making a concerted effort to bring some organisation back before the hustle and bustle of Christmas strikes, and that’s before the BeeBee Tower’s Halloween celebrations begin.

So back to this week’s food. So far the weekend was  at best very hit and miss. the one meal that was planned didn’t happen as we forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer!

Monday: Pasta bake.
Tuesday: burger and chips (as requested by Thing 1).
Wednesday: either beans or spaghetti on toast.
Thursday: Salsa Chicken and Rice.
Friday: Is still Takeaway Friday!!!

At least I have almost regained control over my eating again.

Today’s Activity: finally getting my treadmill into the front room.

BeeBee x



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Day 272: Things I Wish My Mother Told Me

It is okay to be different.

As a youngster, I was frequently compared to other children.

I didn’t do things in the same ways they did. I knew from an early age that I had my own path. I wanted something different.

If you look at a list of things I want to be it wasn’t exactly run of the mill.

A nurse who didn’t see blood.

A story writer.

I wanted to grow a toffee lollipop tree.

I wanted to be a witch.

I wanted to write the news but not speak it.

Strangely I have managed to do little bits of all of those jobs. Which is rare. I don’t have anything in my childhood ‘I wanna’ list. I personally think this is a good thing. I went and did what I wanted when I wanted to.

But this wasn’t seen as a good thing. My family on a whole wanted me to conform. I had to be seen to be a responsible person. I had to look like I belonged. Which lets be honest I didn’t look like I belonged anywhere.

I have had confidence and weight issues for all but about 10 years of my life. I can understand why I was dragged to diet clubs, and food was rationed at home. Every summer holiday started with a new diet, so I would look like the other girls. Every summer ended with a new school uniform being bought, or even made, as I had grown too fat for the last one.

As a grown up and a parent I have finally come to the decision that how my weight problem was handled was wrong. It was always made a point of. Looking back, I wasn’t that horrendously big at my largest at school I was a 18/20.

What I was is upset and felt unappreciated. I didn’t have an opinion at home. This is probably where my love of words came from.

So overall what I want my boys to know is, it IS okay to be different. In fact embrace it. If you are happy knowing who you are, you are not going to put a foot wrong. Mistakes don’t happen, they are opportunities presenting themselves. There is nothing that can’t be undone.

I wouldn’t change me for the world, I have never looked at a picture and decided I want to be that person (I have come close with Zooey Deschanel but I’d still be me). Some situations I have been in aren’t the best, but lead to good tales for the nursing home in later life.

21-Day Challenge: After yesterday’s slip, I’m trying hard to pull it back.

Today’s Activity: Film night on the sofa.

BeeBee x

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Day 265: Thirty Six Years in the Making


It’s that time of the year again. That time when I get to move into another tick box in the world of multiple choice.

What have I learned, if anything, in the last year?

I have learned that I don’t like being lectured.

I don’t like not being in control of my own destiny.

I also know that I can do anything if I actually want to. Now if I could work out what it was I want to do.

Yes I’m still the same size (well slightly smaller) than I was this time last year, and do you know what I’m actually happy with that. After spending many years in the company of a slimming group I have realised the answer isn’t to concentrate so whole heartedly on what you can eat, what you should eat, and what the value of the foods are that you are wanting to eat. Food is there to enjoy, not to become a mathematical equation, and do you know what? My head is much clearer for it. Not getting on the scales has released me from the weekly ups and downs that became so frequent.

I love to write, I am starting to write much more frequently both on this blog, I have now also started writing for the blog The Real Super Mum. I get to cover subjects that are close to my heart, but not quite light enough for this blog. Not that I don’t get deep on here, it’s just not the right platform.

This year I have also learned that I am just as happy curled up on the sofa with a cuppa and a good book in silence as I am with a raucous night out with the girls.

So what will my 37th year on the planet hold for me? I’d like to work more on my writing. both fiction and non-fiction. I also plan to write my first novel.

Today’s Activity: Wine and pizza with my boys!

BeeBee x

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Day 263: Things I Wish My Mother Told Me

This could also be titled Times I wish I could remember what my mother told me.

I was laid in bed thinking. Its now almost 11 years since my mother passed away. She never saw me settle down, didn’t see my wedding (well nobody did we eloped to Jamaica for that one), never saw me have my children.

All that advice you would get from a parent I never had. What would she have told me. When I suffered from PND what advice would she have offered up to me?
Looking back we were close. But, it was different to how I see my friends and my husband with their mothers. Probably a lot of that was due to being brought up as an only child within a single parent family in the 1980s. Especially in Bumpkinsville being divorced was rare.
I remember being able to operate the washing machine, cook a full roast dinner, making pastry unsupervised from about 11/12 years old. I don’t know if this was for me or due to my mum being a cook and spending every day baking at work and not wanting to step into the kitchen once she got home.

There were moments where I was totally horrendous, we shouted and balled at each other, sometimes threw things.

What I didn’t realise until much later was just how strong she was, she knew right from wrong. Stuck to her own ideals when everyone else told her otherwise. She was a cook when I was growing up but as soon as I took my exams she changed her career and became a prison officer.

She had a career path. My mother didn’t shout about it. She got on with things. She worked hard, and played hard too.

This is why when she died, her funeral had standing room only, even after they added extra chairs. I have never seen a funeral so well attended. It’s just a shame her parents had to see it too.

I wonder what sort of a granny she would be. I spent inordinate amounts of time at my grandparents as Mum worked during the summer holidays. I hung out in warehouses, at farms, in weighbridge offices as Gran cleaned. I ran amok with friends in bewitched imaginary worlds, playing games, putting on shows and falling over footballs and off bikes.

It was hard, it was difficult, sometimes a struggle. I wouldn’t change it though. This made me who I am. Even though I am a work in process. Not everything I learnt was right, not everything I was told was wrong. She did her best with what knowledge she had.

Being a parent doesn’t come with a manual. I really wish it did. Most things though do come with experience. It is that experience that I think I am missing out on  most.

Today’s Activity: A crafting morning with a dear friend I haven’t seen in a long time.

BeeBee x

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Day 261: This Is Not The Day You Were Looking For

Anyone out there think they are cursed? I’m sure the more I plan to do something, the less likely it is to happen.

Today was originally meant to be cleaning, Grandmother’s chores, a little bit of grant manipulation and fundraising and a little writing and planning.

Instead for most of it I have been attached to the sofa with a poorly Thing 2 attached to me. I will probably be cast out from the PPC (or Perfect Parents Club) for even suggesting this but hey ho, I am fairly certain I prefer my kids when they have a mild dose of something.

  • There is no ‘I’m bored’ moans from across the room.
  • They’re more loving, giving cuddles and basically more cute. A bit like a Mogwai crossed with a rag doll.
  • They sit still and quiet letting you get on with bits and pieces as they watch Spongebob… thank gravy for Spongebob, until they need their next medicinal cuddle!
  • They don’t want feeding every five seconds.
  • Did I mention quiet? Like proper peace and everything. I’ve barely heard a peep out of Thing 2 today.

Overall I think it reminds me of the days when they were young infants. That small period of time when it was okay to just sit and hold your babies, as they slept and fed, when they actually wanted to be with you but couldn’t crawl, toddle or run away yet. Thing 2 is still so young, yet so grown up at the same time and just to sit and watch over him is a privilege I don’t get too often. Even if right now he looks like a zombie wearing his batman pjs with a red superhero cape – just for effect mind.

At least he’s doing his school work eh? Check out the Pink Box 1 book while snuggled under the poorly blanket.
Today’s Activity: Some impromptu baking for the Brothers Thing’s pack ups – a type of bakewell slice, using black cherry jam and an almond sponge. Sometimes I’m just too nice to those kids.

BeeBee x

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Day 58: Pavarotti Spice Girls

Today has been a strange old day. Mainly marred by my own fretting over what those scales were going to say this evening.

It’s incredulous just how much hope & self worth rests on that split second that you are stood on those scales.

Also the connection that you make with people over social networking sites is immense. I’d never have got through today without my SW Twitterati girlies today. For them I am grateful. That and the other people & opportunities Twitter has brought my way.

It very much is the ideal platform for me. A person who pretty much shouts ‘oi you look at me’ then in a split second ‘what you looking at me for, I’m shy’. This is why I stopped the comedy. I don’t have the drive or will to be in the public eye… That and I wasn’t mainstream – or funny.

Now I get to write and not be seen. I get my byline and not have to drink copious amounts before talking of copulating bunnies, 12-bore shotguns & Pavarotti Spice Girls, it was/is a warped world in my head.

Todays Activities: Watching the lovely Mike Smith sell a solar-powered gnome, watching the scale go down, seeing the Brothers Thing respond to others with thoughtfulness even though they were tired and had never seen them before.

BeeBee x

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