BeeBee's 365 Challenge

for the little things that make me happy

Day 280: A Rare Fashion Related Post

I’m in a bit of a bleurgh mood at the moment. A real fug.
On one hand I’m happier than I have been in a long time. Then on the other hand I’m feeling really down and frumpy.

I try to not be the average fat person. I don’t want to be skinny, but I also don’t want to be huge. On a whole I look at clothes and that is where my fashion conversation ends with clothes.

Yesterday in the office I felt good in my clothes. I’ve gained a little weight recently, so I’m filling out my clothes a bit too much. So the jersey clothing as come out, yesterday I had a pair of Extra Long Leggings from Simply Be, a long GaGa-sleeve black and white striped scooped neck top from Yours Clothing and some old Tan ankle boots from Next. For a change I felt confident.

Yet, not enough to stop a binge when I got home. I know what I need to do. I know how to do it. Now I need to work out my motivation. Right now that is lacking, even now as I am searching high and low for a dress to wear to a Christmas Function it’s not peaking my interest.

Today’s Activity: Going for a mooch at a local craft fair.

BeeBee x

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Day 270: Heavens Above

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This week the weather has been one heck of a shock to the system.

The soups have come out for lunch and casseroles are back for tea time. The slow cooker isn’t quite sure what has happened to it!

On Monday I was overly excited about doing a jarred pasta bake. (I’ve still not worked out a way to do the same thing at home without the jar!)
A creamy tomato and herb pasta bake so good on a cold wet day, especially when served with a chunk of garlic bread.

Today I am doing a Sausage Casserole. Baked beans, red peppers, sweet onions, and a touch of Chilli Jam to oomph up the heat and adds a sweetness to the sauce. I’d say this was going to be a recipe entry, but really it’s a chuck it in and leave it meal. I cook of my onions and peppers a little first and brown the sausages (otherwise I find they tend to crumble a bit too much!).

This autumn favourite will make it’s way to my plate with a mountain of mashed potato. Comfort food at it’s very best!

21-Day Challenge: I’m still r0cking it! Best decision I made this week.

Today’s Activities: A hot bubble bath and a book.

BeeBee x

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Day 267: Breaking a Habit

I’ve found myself drawn to looking at self-improvement programmes recently.

I have lost what little control I did have over my eating. The ah just this little bit won’t hurt has return, it is just a shame that the little bit has been the 4th bar in a Kit Kat Crunchy multi pack or the 3rd in a 3 for ¬£1.20 offer.

This is when I know that my binge eating is getting to the point where control will not be an option. Food addiction is a rough addiction to have. With drugs and drink at least abstinence in an alternative.

You cannot abstain from food. Not without some long term health complications. This is why the liquid diet companies will always have  a market. When you have a destructive relationship with something like drink and drugs abstinence is the best way to exert control over that part of your life. So similarly abstaining from food becomes a worthy choice.

However, you cannot live by milkshakes and soups alone. At some point you need to return to solids and chewing.

For me the shakes and soups route is not a viable one. I like food too much. I enjoy preparing it, smelling it, tasting it. I get an almost child at Christmas excitement from just unwrapping a chocolate bar. I turn into a real giddy kipper. Sad, but true.

I also know that for me the group weight loss thing hasn’t worked. It isn’t about what types of food that I eat, the way in which I eat them. It’s the emotions that go with each meal. The speed that I eat is a big problem. I don’t take time out to eat slowly, I tend to chomp at break neck speed.

So I am starting a 21-day plan. It is reported that it takes 3 weeks to break or make a habit. I’m using 21habit.com to plot my efforts. My goal is to gain control of my eating. I’m not dieting ever again, but want control.

I have a meal out this week, but as I say it about control, not about being ‘good’. It’s about the mindless eating, grazing, binging. The parts that undermine the brain. In a similar way to the alcoholic reaching absent mindedly for the next bottle of vodka or the drug addict rolling another spliff or cutting up another line or the want of nothing better to do.

I need better for myself. It is not about looks, I will never be a tight-bodied beauty – I have done too much damage to my body already. It’s about my inner self, that voice in my head that needs to take a day off.

So Paul McKenna I will be relying on you heavily this week. I can see a tricky time ahead, but by October 13th I should have cracked this thing.

Today’s Activity: Pub lunch with my extended family to celebrate my birthday.

BeeBee x

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Day 265: Thirty Six Years in the Making

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It’s that time of the year again. That time when I get to move into another tick box in the world of multiple choice.

What have I learned, if anything, in the last year?

I have learned that I don’t like being lectured.

I don’t like not being in control of my own destiny.

I also know that I can do anything if I actually want to. Now if I could work out what it was I want to do.

Yes I’m still the same size (well slightly smaller) than I was this time last year, and do you know what I’m actually happy with that. After spending many years in the company of a slimming group I have realised the answer isn’t to concentrate so whole heartedly on what you can eat, what you should eat, and what the value of the foods are that you are wanting to eat. Food is there to enjoy, not to become a mathematical equation, and do you know what? My head is much clearer for it. Not getting on the scales has released me from the weekly ups and downs that became so frequent.

I love to write, I am starting to write much more frequently both on this blog, I have now also started writing for the blog The Real Super Mum. I get to cover subjects that are close to my heart, but not quite light enough for this blog. Not that I don’t get deep on here, it’s just not the right platform.

This year I have also learned that I am just as happy curled up on the sofa with a cuppa and a good book in silence as I am with a raucous night out with the girls.

So what will my 37th year on the planet hold for me? I’d like to work more on my writing. both fiction and non-fiction. I also plan to write my first novel.

Today’s Activity: Wine and pizza with my boys!

BeeBee x

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Day 58: Pavarotti Spice Girls

Today has been a strange old day. Mainly marred by my own fretting over what those scales were going to say this evening.

It’s incredulous just how much hope & self worth rests on that split second that you are stood on those scales.

Also the connection that you make with people over social networking sites is immense. I’d never have got through today without my SW Twitterati girlies today. For them I am grateful. That and the other people & opportunities Twitter has brought my way.

It very much is the ideal platform for me. A person who pretty much shouts ‘oi you look at me’ then in a split second ‘what you looking at me for, I’m shy’. This is why I stopped the comedy. I don’t have the drive or will to be in the public eye… That and I wasn’t mainstream – or funny.

Now I get to write and not be seen. I get my byline and not have to drink copious amounts before talking of copulating bunnies, 12-bore shotguns & Pavarotti Spice Girls, it was/is a warped world in my head.

Todays Activities: Watching the lovely Mike Smith sell a solar-powered gnome, watching the scale go down, seeing the Brothers Thing respond to others with thoughtfulness even though they were tired and had never seen them before.

BeeBee x

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Day 16: Common sense

I was trundling though the pages of Twitter early this morning and I happened across this story:

http://news.sky.com/home/uk-news/article/16149780

In a nutshell, the lovely people of Which? Have been looking at Nutritionists across the country and have discovered that many aren’t traditionally trained.

The ones in this report are in fact part of the ‘alternative’ holistic varieties, using practises including kinesiology (a practise of testing muscle strength when a vile of the possible allergen is place nearby).

Many years ago my Mother sent me to such a person. I discovered possible allergens such as cows milk, wild rice, mushrooms, soya, wheat and lots over other random things. I stuck to this ‘diet’ for 2 years. I didn’t lose any weight but my hayfever and asthma improved. I also have discovered that when I’m run down uncooked milk makes me cough, ‘posh’ mushrooms give me severe stomach ache and processed white bread (which often contains soya flour) also has the ability to make me feel vile.

I don’t know how much of what the therapist did was for real or just guess work. I know I got bored. Food was very beige or slimy.

I also remember my Mum once visiting a different one and coming home with a book of the Atkins plan.

I’d rather my food was technicolour. I prefer my food to be as natural as possible and be able to eat it in plentiful amounts, I’m not a great processed food person apart from when chicken nuggets and potato waffles shout really loudly. Although I do have a takeaway once a week. Deprivation isn’t anyone’s friend. A little bit of everything is balance.

If you do think you have an intolerance or food allergy contact your GP who can then direct you to a fully qualified nutritionist for further help.

Today’s activity: finishing cleaning my kitchen, my giant bacon cheeseburger and watching the final episode of Sherlock.

BeeBee x

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