BeeBee's 365 Challenge

for the little things that make me happy

Day 267: Breaking a Habit

on September 23, 2012

I’ve found myself drawn to looking at self-improvement programmes recently.

I have lost what little control I did have over my eating. The ah just this little bit won’t hurt has return, it is just a shame that the little bit has been the 4th bar in a Kit Kat Crunchy multi pack or the 3rd in a 3 for £1.20 offer.

This is when I know that my binge eating is getting to the point where control will not be an option. Food addiction is a rough addiction to have. With drugs and drink at least abstinence in an alternative.

You cannot abstain from food. Not without some long term health complications. This is why the liquid diet companies will always have  a market. When you have a destructive relationship with something like drink and drugs abstinence is the best way to exert control over that part of your life. So similarly abstaining from food becomes a worthy choice.

However, you cannot live by milkshakes and soups alone. At some point you need to return to solids and chewing.

For me the shakes and soups route is not a viable one. I like food too much. I enjoy preparing it, smelling it, tasting it. I get an almost child at Christmas excitement from just unwrapping a chocolate bar. I turn into a real giddy kipper. Sad, but true.

I also know that for me the group weight loss thing hasn’t worked. It isn’t about what types of food that I eat, the way in which I eat them. It’s the emotions that go with each meal. The speed that I eat is a big problem. I don’t take time out to eat slowly, I tend to chomp at break neck speed.

So I am starting a 21-day plan. It is reported that it takes 3 weeks to break or make a habit. I’m using 21habit.com to plot my efforts. My goal is to gain control of my eating. I’m not dieting ever again, but want control.

I have a meal out this week, but as I say it about control, not about being ‘good’. It’s about the mindless eating, grazing, binging. The parts that undermine the brain. In a similar way to the alcoholic reaching absent mindedly for the next bottle of vodka or the drug addict rolling another spliff or cutting up another line or the want of nothing better to do.

I need better for myself. It is not about looks, I will never be a tight-bodied beauty – I have done too much damage to my body already. It’s about my inner self, that voice in my head that needs to take a day off.

So Paul McKenna I will be relying on you heavily this week. I can see a tricky time ahead, but by October 13th I should have cracked this thing.

Today’s Activity: Pub lunch with my extended family to celebrate my birthday.

BeeBee x

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