BeeBee's 365 Challenge

for the little things that make me happy

Day 263: Things I Wish My Mother Told Me

on September 19, 2012

This could also be titled Times I wish I could remember what my mother told me.

I was laid in bed thinking. Its now almost 11 years since my mother passed away. She never saw me settle down, didn’t see my wedding (well nobody did we eloped to Jamaica for that one), never saw me have my children.

All that advice you would get from a parent I never had. What would she have told me. When I suffered from PND what advice would she have offered up to me?
Looking back we were close. But, it was different to how I see my friends and my husband with their mothers. Probably a lot of that was due to being brought up as an only child within a single parent family in the 1980s. Especially in Bumpkinsville being divorced was rare.
I remember being able to operate the washing machine, cook a full roast dinner, making pastry unsupervised from about 11/12 years old. I don’t know if this was for me or due to my mum being a cook and spending every day baking at work and not wanting to step into the kitchen once she got home.

There were moments where I was totally horrendous, we shouted and balled at each other, sometimes threw things.

What I didn’t realise until much later was just how strong she was, she knew right from wrong. Stuck to her own ideals when everyone else told her otherwise. She was a cook when I was growing up but as soon as I took my exams she changed her career and became a prison officer.

She had a career path. My mother didn’t shout about it. She got on with things. She worked hard, and played hard too.

This is why when she died, her funeral had standing room only, even after they added extra chairs. I have never seen a funeral so well attended. It’s just a shame her parents had to see it too.

I wonder what sort of a granny she would be. I spent inordinate amounts of time at my grandparents as Mum worked during the summer holidays. I hung out in warehouses, at farms, in weighbridge offices as Gran cleaned. I ran amok with friends in bewitched imaginary worlds, playing games, putting on shows and falling over footballs and off bikes.

It was hard, it was difficult, sometimes a struggle. I wouldn’t change it though. This made me who I am. Even though I am a work in process. Not everything I learnt was right, not everything I was told was wrong. She did her best with what knowledge she had.

Being a parent doesn’t come with a manual. I really wish it did. Most things though do come with experience. It is that experience that I think I am missing out on  most.

Today’s Activity: A crafting morning with a dear friend I haven’t seen in a long time.

BeeBee x


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