BeeBee's 365 Challenge

for the little things that make me happy

Day 132: Getting Want I Want

on May 11, 2012

This year I have made it my priority to be happy. This is something that I want with all of my heart.

My daily activities have been about finding that thing that can make me smile for at least five minutes a day.

Recently I have been finding it harder and harder to do. Having to try and do the everyday things like leave the house, take the Brothers Thing to school, go to the office. At one point this week, in just one day, four people asked me if everything was okay.

I said yes. I lied. It wasn’t ok. Tuesday I left the house went and did a few bits & bobs then went to bed for 4 hours. Before going to do some chores for my Gran. Wednesday, 5 mins before the kids were due to go to school I was having a panic attack about leaving the house. I hadn’t even got dressed for work. The only thing that spurred me into getting out of the house was having to ring work and tell them why I wasn’t going to be there.

I couldn’t think of anything that would sound right. So I went in.

My stomach has been like a battle ground. I’ve felt permanently nervous. That sicking feeling you used to get when you knew you were in trouble, the only time it went away was if I ate. So I ate, constantly. I ate that much that I physically couldn’t but a single thing in my body as there was no space left.

Today I tackled this recurring problem. Today I admitted that I hadn’t beaten my demons. Today I told someone. Today my recovery begins again.

Today’s Activities: Beavering away in Hosm and an Angel Share Party.

BeeBee x

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