BeeBee's 365 Challenge

for the little things that make me happy

Day 49: Small Baby Steps

on February 18, 2012

So, if I don’t want to go back to the citalopram, what are my options?

CBT – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: A therapy that helps you look at how a person’s thoughts can affect feelings and mood, and works a way to manage those thoughts through a process of coping mechanisms.

Nutrition: Raising the level of dopamine and seratonin through food and drink. Lowering the amount of depressants in my diet.
Exercise: raise the levels of happy endorphins that can be released after going for a run.

What isn’t an option letting it run away with me. Yes the sofa is comfy and the world I choose to watch on TV is safe and funny, but it’s not real, it’s not what is good for my children.

I must learn to not compare myself to others. I must learn that’s it is okay to be me and just enjoy the little things. Part of me knows that it is okay to not be perfect. But the voice in my head expects nothing less.

I have to do the best that I can do with everything I do. If I fail I take it hard. I don’t like to be wrong or to get things wrong. Which is strange as I have many things I’m not great at. Finding something else I can’t do right sends me into a slump. I know this is a failing. I also hold onto these memories. Rather than all the things I have done right. I recall being told that I wasn’t good enough to take certain exams much quicker than I remember the same teacher approaching me in the street when I completed the said exams and a two-year course in 9 months to apologise.

My paid job is to be analytical and to spot mistakes. Whether it’s spelling, grammar, typeface or spacing to name a few. I have to be right. If I get something wrong (and I have) it costs my customer hundreds of thousands of pounds. These are things I hold dear, yet if I miss something I can panic & I do worry. The worse I feel about me, the more I miss, the less I am able to execute my role.

Depression isn’t just about feeling ‘down in the dumps’. It is a fully formed illness that is able to affect every part of your life without discrimination. Previously confident people cower, gregarious people refuse to leave their house it shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Today’s activities: Eating chinese food and watching nutella.

BeeBee x

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