BeeBee's 365 Challenge

for the little things that make me happy

Day 46: Fake it to Make It

on February 15, 2012

I’m trying really hard to remember the reasons why I want to lose weight.

Just 6 months ago I had it sussed. The pounds were falling off at a rate of knots. I believed in myself and in what I was doing. I had events planned and other goals and targets.

I’m no longer seeing those losses, I have no events planned, and so far no other targets to work for.

This time last year I was obsessed by dropping to the next dress size. Finding the perfect platform shoe. That passion just seems to have disbursed. I have five months worth of Elle magazine subscriptions just sat in their plastic wrappers. My jeans no longer fit, my black trousers are tight. It’s not good. It makes you feel horrid. Which in turn doesn’t inspire you to eat well or healthily.

I like things to go to plan. If something I’ve planned to happen or even doesn’t go the way I believe it should have I crash hard. Right now I’m still crashing. Struggling to keep my head above water.

I know it’s my choice. I can choose to be happy or I can choose to be morose. I have cut myself off from many of my friends. I don’t know how to get back to where I was. I have felt split in every direction as if everyone needed something from me.

So today I have come to the decision that I have to dig my copy of The Secret out. And basically fake it until I make it. To be a thinner person I need to dress like a thinner person. To be that polished mummy at the school gates, I actually have to try, wear make up, do my hair keep myself groomed. I can’t let the negatives swim around my head no matter how much they want to stay there.
Yes I’m low maintenance, but I have high maintenance dreams. Grooming was never something that I was encouraged to do as a child. Probably, because I wasn’t the most popular of kids. I had friends but I didn’t have the confidence that the others did. I didn’t go out as much as the others. I also passed from group to group so never really took part in the big adventures.

Even now I panic at the thought of being surround by people, no matter how well I know them, and can – and sometimes do – run away to my bathroom or to the sofa in my pjs with a blanket and a book.

It’s going to be a battle but for the sake of my happiness & the future of my family I must win.

Today’s activities: ordering 2 ‘silk’ scarves off Ebay & opening my parcel of 60 nail polishes.

BeeBee x

Advertisements

One response to “Day 46: Fake it to Make It

  1. Sara says:

    Big hugs Rachel. This one brought tear to my eye (I’ve had one of those weeks and the slightest thing can set me off!). As I’ve said before – if you ever need a chat etc – you know where I am xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Fast day feasts

What to eat on the 5:2 fast diet

Motherhood, WTF?

I'm the mom who makes you feel better about your parenting.

robharvey76

Pierce the mundane

International Book Giving Day 2017

Give a book on Valentine's Day

Oh!Bento

Bento pictures, tutorials, reviews and where to buy in the UK!

Life in the fat lane

A topnotch WordPress.com site

Thinsanity

GREASY fries or SKINNY thighs....you choose?

Wendyjr's Life

Just another WordPress.com site

kwjd

A fine WordPress.com site

Rantings of an Amateur Chef

Food...cooking...eating....tools - What works, and what doesn't!

Baking as Therapy

Recipes, musings and ideas- plus ' how to' tutorials

Overtime Cook

...because most of us don't have all day to spend in the kitchen!

Plenty the Magazine

Living. Learning. Laughing

Doodlemum

a day in the life of my sketchbook...

Motherhood, WTF?

I'm the mom who makes you feel better about your parenting.

PinAddicts Challenge

Pin It, Make It, Blog It, Link It, Share It!

Princess in the Kitchen

"Never eat more than you can lift" - Miss Piggy

%d bloggers like this: